Yesterday, I posted the following question on my Instagram: “Is your faith contingent upon what God does FOR you?”
I mentioned that I had recently gone through a trial and that I was asking God what I needed to learn from that trial. I wanted to give a little context to what the Lord is teaching me.
Nearly a year ago, we found out that our sweet little daughter, Joy, has an egg allergy. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but MAN, it’s a big deal to me. Let me add a little background to this, as well. Why was this such a test for me? Well, before Joy was born, I prayed constantly for her. A very specific prayer that I prayed was that she would not have a food allergy. Food allergies are a big fear of mine. Not sure why. I just have a lot of anxiety that comes with the thought of a food allergy. Controlling what others give to her. Fearful of what kind of reaction she could have. It’s very scary to me.
So, I prayed over and over again that Joy would not have a food allergy. Around a year old, after a reaction, we found out that she has an allergy to eggs. Following that realization, I had a lot of anxiety. After navigating this road for about a year, finding our new normal, I’m finally at the point where I’m really asking God what He’s wanting to teach me through this. (Yes, it took me a year to ask what I needed to learn…)
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that one of the major things I was clinging to in fear and worry, the thing I prayed about most before she was born, is something that we are now dealing with. (I’m not saying this is how God always works. But, sometimes, he has to pry our fingers off of the things we’re clinging to most.) A year out, I can ask with a very pure (less anxious) heart, “God, what do you want to teach me in this? I don’t want to miss it. What do I need to learn?”
As I prayed this yesterday, He very clearly said the following: “Trish, I wanted to know this: Is your faith contingent upon what I do FOR you?” Woah. Let me stop for a second.
I can honestly say, that as I walked that road, I’ve found that my faith is not contingent upon what He does for me. But, there were days that I was really disappointed that He didn’t come through in answering that prayer how I wanted it answered. No, He didn’t give me an allergy-free daughter. But, he’s given me much more as I’ve walked this road.
He’s taught me how to trust Him with my child. (A child He loves even more than I do)
He’s taught me how to lean into Him in the unknown.
He’s taught me how to live life with a loose grip on the gifts He’s given me.
He’s taught me how to hand my anxieties over to Him, because He actually really does care for me.
So, you know what I’ve found…He’s given me WAY MORE than what I was praying for. In giving me the OPPOSITE of what I prayed for, He poured His grace out on me in a way that I wouldn’t have experienced otherwise.
You know what… I think He knows what I need more than I do. I think He knows what’s best for me. I think I’m starting to really believe that fact and trust Him with my life…and with the lives of those I love most. (Which may be harder than trusting Him with my own…)