I wrote what I’m about to share several weeks ago, but I didn’t post it because…well, it’s very raw, very vulnerable, and it was very fresh. Today, I’m in a better place, and I felt prompted to share these words for someone else who might be feeling the same way.
I’m sitting in my new house in my new town, and I feel very isolated and very alone. This house feels empty and so does my soul. I’m not writing these words as part of a pity party. I don’t write these words in hopes of your sympathy. I write these words because I know that although I feel alone, I know that I am not alone in this lonely feeling. I know that many, many others feel, have felt, or will feel this at some point. This loneliness that makes your heart sink. That feeling of isolation that makes you feel as though the wind as been knocked out of you. It’s painful. It hurts deep. It’s reality. But, I keep reminding myself that this feeling, although very real at this moment, is only temporary.
I also find deep comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in this feeling of loneliness. Not that I wish the pain of loneliness on anyone else, but I know that it’s the reality for many. I remember a friend talking about the peace and comfort we find in recognizing that we are all part of a fellowship of brokenness. We find solace in this acknowledgment. I’m acknowledging the fellowship of loneliness right now and remembering that I’m not isolated in this feeling. There are many who join me in this place. Come sit at the table with me. No judgement. No advice. Just sit. It’s ok to feel these things. We won’t stay here long.
Furthermore, and really even more powerful, I know that my Savior understands the pain I am feeling. He too was isolated. He too must have felt deep cords of loneliness strike through his soul while on earth. He knows my pain, and he knows yours.
I also hold on to the promise from Scripture that I am not truly alone. I have a God who is called Immanuel which means “God is with us.” I have a God who promises throughout Scripture that He is by my side. He is close to the broken-hearted with a special kind of closeness and comfort. I cling to that promise, even when it’s difficult to feel.
I also know that many people truly do love me, and they’re here for me. I am grateful for the bond we have through the family of God here on this earth, even though there is a very true reality to my feeling of loneliness right now. Especially in this new place. And, although I may be surrounded by loads of people, I am not truly known, and the loads of people can at times exasperate my feeling of loneliness.
Again, I am not expressing these things to seek attention. I am not expressing these feelings to find pity. I just know that God has called me to share life and truth through every season of my life, and this is my current season.
A season full of fear, but grounded in trust. A season full of loneliness, but grounded in fellowship with Christ. A season Full of feelings of loss, but grounded in the hope of expectation. A season Full of brokenness, but grounded in comfort and healing through my loving God. A season Full of weariness, but grounded in the rest I find through my compassionate Savior.
It’s a tough one, but I know I’m not alone. I’m praying that if this finds you in a place of loneliness, isolation, or pain, that you will find fellowship in our brokenness. And most of all, that you will press in to God in the midst of the reality of your pain.